1
00:00:00,919 --> 00:00:04,468
Well, you, me and the cupcakes are ready.
Now we just need people.

2
00:00:05,678 --> 00:00:08,559
Ooh, here we go.
This one looks like she might come in.

3
00:00:10,104 --> 00:00:12,692
Yeah, keep walking, ugly.

4
00:00:12,859 --> 00:00:14,613
Ugly? She's like a supermodel.

5
00:00:14,780 --> 00:00:16,450
Did she come in and buy something?

6
00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:18,913
- No.
- Then she ugly.

7
00:00:19,081 --> 00:00:22,796
Okay, yes, business is slow,
but we don't have to drop to that level.

8
00:00:23,297 --> 00:00:25,843
Ooh, this guy is definitely coming in.

9
00:00:26,679 --> 00:00:28,891
Keep walking, fatty!

10
00:00:29,059 --> 00:00:31,605
And he ugly.

11
00:00:32,816 --> 00:00:34,778
Both:
Welcome to Max's homemade cupcakes!

12
00:00:34,945 --> 00:00:36,532
Hello.

13
00:00:36,699 --> 00:00:38,286
How much are your cupcakes?

14
00:00:38,452 --> 00:00:39,496
Four dollars.

15
00:00:39,913 --> 00:00:41,625
No.

16
00:00:43,379 --> 00:00:44,631
Both:
Whore.

17
00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:46,594
Jinx, you owe me a coke!

18
00:00:46,844 --> 00:00:50,226
- We both called an old lady a whore.
- I know. We are in complete sync.

19
00:00:50,393 --> 00:00:53,149
That is so good for business.

20
00:00:54,359 --> 00:00:56,196
I'll give you $3.

21
00:00:56,488 --> 00:00:58,117
I'm sorry. They're 4.

22
00:00:58,284 --> 00:01:01,874
There's no one in here.
You'll take what you get.

23
00:01:02,751 --> 00:01:05,214
I'm in love with that whore.

24
00:01:17,906 --> 00:01:20,244
Hello, I'm calling from
Max's homemade cupcakes...

25
00:01:20,411 --> 00:01:23,376
to acquaint you
with our new morning with Max's special.

26
00:01:23,542 --> 00:01:26,882
No, sir, that is not what our special is.

27
00:01:27,049 --> 00:01:30,974
And I haven't even done that with
my boyfriend yet, so don't be rude.

28
00:01:31,517 --> 00:01:33,229
Give me that phone.

29
00:01:33,437 --> 00:01:36,151
You fat, you ugly, you fugly.

30
00:01:38,239 --> 00:01:40,118
We have got to get more business going.

31
00:01:40,285 --> 00:01:43,791
The money Sophie gave us to open
will only cover next month's rent.

32
00:01:43,958 --> 00:01:45,837
We already have next month's rent?

33
00:01:46,004 --> 00:01:49,594
Why are we worried? We're doing better
than everyone else in America.

34
00:01:50,138 --> 00:01:53,561
Well, well, well, if it
isn't prince charming.

35
00:01:53,728 --> 00:01:56,984
But Earl, is prince charming?
Or is he just a diva in purple?

36
00:01:59,323 --> 00:02:02,036
So psyched. Finally got a personalized
hello from Earl.

37
00:02:02,203 --> 00:02:05,627
He called me prince charming.
I'm in, baby, I am in.

38
00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:09,259
I wouldn't get too excited.
He probably just forgot your name.

39
00:02:09,426 --> 00:02:13,016
He calls every puerto rican guy
that comes in here "la bamba."

40
00:02:13,517 --> 00:02:15,605
[Phone playing ringtone]

41
00:02:16,523 --> 00:02:18,068
Max's homemade cupcakes.

42
00:02:18,235 --> 00:02:19,738
- Yes, I'll hold.
- Heh.

43
00:02:20,782 --> 00:02:24,498
Of course we do sugar-free and gluten-free.

44
00:02:24,665 --> 00:02:27,420
I'll be right back, I just
gotta take this call. Mm-hm.

45
00:02:27,587 --> 00:02:30,718
Mm-hm, I understand.
But, like, how diabetic?

46
00:02:31,887 --> 00:02:33,557
I feel a little sick to my stomach.

47
00:02:33,724 --> 00:02:36,313
Why? You haven't even eaten here yet.

48
00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:39,778
No, I'm nervous. I came here
to tell Caroline something kind of big.

49
00:02:39,945 --> 00:02:43,285
- You have a secret family on long island?
- No.

50
00:02:43,452 --> 00:02:45,331
You have hep c? D? One of the new heps?

51
00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:46,917
Nope.

52
00:02:47,084 --> 00:02:48,421
Don't have any of the heps.

53
00:02:48,587 --> 00:02:51,719
Wow. Now telling her I'm in love with her
is gonna sound boring.

54
00:02:51,885 --> 00:02:55,643
You're gonna tell her you love her?
Here in the diner?

55
00:02:55,810 --> 00:02:58,983
Why, was the dump closed?

56
00:02:59,150 --> 00:03:02,490
Hey, we need more coffee, la bamba.

57
00:03:02,907 --> 00:03:05,246
This isn't where you tell someone
"i love you."

58
00:03:05,413 --> 00:03:09,003
This is where you tell someone
their sex change looks passable.

59
00:03:09,337 --> 00:03:12,134
What's the big deal? If I feel it,
why shouldn't I say it?

60
00:03:12,302 --> 00:03:13,554
She'd be all over that.

61
00:03:13,721 --> 00:03:17,019
If it didn't happen to Kate Hudson
in some stupid romantic comedy...

62
00:03:17,186 --> 00:03:19,023
then it won't work for Caroline.

63
00:03:19,190 --> 00:03:23,699
Sorry, what? I left and went into another
theater in my mind while you were talking.

64
00:03:23,866 --> 00:03:27,039
I know, it's so creepy, but she likes it.

65
00:03:27,206 --> 00:03:31,215
If you could arrange for it to rain, or run
after her to the airport in the rain...

66
00:03:31,382 --> 00:03:35,681
but end up on the empire state building
on Valentine's day, that'd be best.

67
00:03:36,099 --> 00:03:38,061
Well, I just sold three dozen cupcakes.

68
00:03:38,229 --> 00:03:41,402
We just have to mark "no sugar"
on one of the boxes.

69
00:03:44,282 --> 00:03:45,785
What did you wanna say to me?

70
00:03:45,952 --> 00:03:50,210
Oh, nothing, I just came by to say hi.
I gotta go download a couple movies.

71
00:03:51,505 --> 00:03:54,093
Hey, Oleg, where's my food?

72
00:03:55,263 --> 00:03:57,934
Cheeseburger with fries, pick up.

73
00:03:58,936 --> 00:04:03,737
Han, you look so tall in the window.
Are you standing on another tiny person?

74
00:04:06,577 --> 00:04:08,456
No.

75
00:04:10,752 --> 00:04:11,962
On the box.

76
00:04:15,010 --> 00:04:16,095
Oleg had to leave.

77
00:04:16,263 --> 00:04:20,688
Sophie came back from her trip to Poland
and he's worried because she's depressed.

78
00:04:20,855 --> 00:04:23,151
Why, did she see you in that hair net?

79
00:04:23,319 --> 00:04:26,950
Come on, listen. When Sophie went to see
her new house, there was no house.

80
00:04:27,117 --> 00:04:29,664
Her Polish contractor ripped off her money.

81
00:04:31,125 --> 00:04:35,343
Poor Sophie, I feel terrible.
I know what it feels like to be ripped off.

82
00:04:35,510 --> 00:04:40,895
I once bought a fendi purse,
but when I looked inside it said "rendi."

83
00:04:42,064 --> 00:04:45,363
What kind of god would let that happen?

84
00:04:46,239 --> 00:04:49,203
Max, I went to a party with that.

85
00:04:49,371 --> 00:04:53,295
We should stop by after work, see how
she is, and bring her some cupcakes.

86
00:04:53,462 --> 00:04:56,510
Or you could give her
that $20,000 she loaned you.

87
00:04:56,677 --> 00:04:59,265
"Loaned us?" Sophie gave us
that money as a gift.

88
00:04:59,432 --> 00:05:02,229
Not what I hear. Pick up.

89
00:05:02,397 --> 00:05:04,359
We're out of spaghetti.
There's no sauce.

90
00:05:04,526 --> 00:05:06,154
No, han, there's plenty of sauce.

91
00:05:06,363 --> 00:05:09,034
[Whispers]
I know, but I can't reach the shelf.

92
00:05:14,379 --> 00:05:17,009
Hey, are we sure that money
Sophie gave us was a gift?

93
00:05:17,176 --> 00:05:19,514
Yes. She gave it to us
to support our dream.

94
00:05:19,681 --> 00:05:23,772
When I had money, I gave it out freely,
and never expected anything in return.

95
00:05:23,939 --> 00:05:26,653
Like when I gave my maid
that gorgeous rendi.

96
00:05:27,237 --> 00:05:29,743
I don't know about people
not expecting stuff back.

97
00:05:29,910 --> 00:05:34,043
One time, a guy bought me a slushie
and for the next three weeks, he owned me.

98
00:05:34,210 --> 00:05:40,556
No, he really owned me. Eight days in,
i almost got traded to a trucker.

99
00:05:41,808 --> 00:05:44,606
I wouldn't even mention her gift.
It will only insult her.

100
00:05:44,773 --> 00:05:48,154
And I promise, nobody is expecting us
to give the money back.

101
00:05:49,449 --> 00:05:52,455
Come in, girls.
Did you bring the check?

102
00:05:52,872 --> 00:05:56,380
No, because it was a gift. A big-ass gift.

103
00:05:56,547 --> 00:05:59,553
But we brought our love
and we brought cupcakes.

104
00:05:59,970 --> 00:06:01,765
Well, I doubt she'll eat them.

105
00:06:01,974 --> 00:06:05,272
She hasn't even touched her kapusniak...

106
00:06:05,481 --> 00:06:08,319
which is the dish traditionally served
to Polish women...

107
00:06:08,487 --> 00:06:10,741
who have been wronged
by their contractors.

108
00:06:12,202 --> 00:06:14,541
Such a specific culture.

109
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:18,549
But that's not the worst thing.
She is so depressed, no sex.

110
00:06:18,716 --> 00:06:23,559
Which is big problem for me because
i find depressed women very hot.

111
00:06:25,396 --> 00:06:30,071
A lot of guys do. Why do you think
i haven't paid for a drink in six years?

112
00:06:30,238 --> 00:06:35,958
I'll go in and tell her you're here. She's
just lying there on the bed, lifeless.

113
00:06:36,125 --> 00:06:38,714
Hot. The big tease.

114
00:06:45,561 --> 00:06:48,943
Sophie, the two girls who you loaned
the money to are here to see you.

115
00:06:49,945 --> 00:06:54,078
It was a gift. A generous, generous gift,
but still a gift.

116
00:06:54,244 --> 00:06:57,794
Are we sure about that? Because I was
slushie boy's bitch for three weeks.

117
00:06:57,961 --> 00:06:59,380
And I did things.

118
00:07:00,382 --> 00:07:03,221
Look, Max brought you cupcakes.
Your favorite.

119
00:07:03,388 --> 00:07:05,643
Vanilla with bacon fat drizzle.

120
00:07:06,018 --> 00:07:09,943
Oh. No. I can't eat
when I have been betrayed.

121
00:07:10,110 --> 00:07:12,114
What kind again?

122
00:07:12,740 --> 00:07:16,330
Sophie, I am patient man,
but I am also horny man.

123
00:07:16,498 --> 00:07:18,961
Any idea when you will snap out of this?

124
00:07:19,128 --> 00:07:20,171
Oh.

125
00:07:20,338 --> 00:07:24,556
Why don't you just unzip and climb on top
of me now, and get it over with?

126
00:07:24,723 --> 00:07:26,392
- Oh, no.
- We should be going.

127
00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:28,104
No, girls, stay.

128
00:07:28,271 --> 00:07:31,987
If she's not even going to put up a fight,
what's the fun?

129
00:07:32,739 --> 00:07:36,788
Are you sure? Bacon drizzle.
Little bit of heaven.

130
00:07:36,955 --> 00:07:38,834
No, I don't want them.

131
00:07:39,251 --> 00:07:42,925
Okay. I'll just put the cupcakes here
in case you change your mind.

132
00:07:43,092 --> 00:07:45,347
- Is this a gun?
- Oh!

133
00:07:45,514 --> 00:07:49,188
Yes. I'm not going to stab myself to death.

134
00:07:49,355 --> 00:07:52,152
Do you know how much this outfit costs?

135
00:07:52,319 --> 00:07:57,079
Sophie, you're gonna get through this.
And, by the way, you look amazing in black.

136
00:07:57,538 --> 00:08:02,590
Oh, well, no more bright colors for me now,
I'm in mourning.

137
00:08:02,757 --> 00:08:08,727
See? Black bra. Black garters.
And look, black panties.

138
00:08:09,228 --> 00:08:12,735
Um, you're not wearing any panties.

139
00:08:13,111 --> 00:08:16,576
I'm not? Oh....

140
00:08:16,743 --> 00:08:20,166
I'm sorry about that wild mess
down there.

141
00:08:21,043 --> 00:08:24,258
Look, Sophie, I feel bad
you got ripped off.

142
00:08:24,425 --> 00:08:28,057
Here are all my tips from tonight.
Twenty-seven dollars.

143
00:08:28,266 --> 00:08:30,311
For eight hours?

144
00:08:30,478 --> 00:08:35,990
Oh, now I'm depressed for you.
You wanna borrow my gun?

145
00:08:36,490 --> 00:08:38,537
Know what? You just need to
eat something.

146
00:08:38,704 --> 00:08:41,375
And pretty soon, you'll be back
to your old self.

147
00:08:41,543 --> 00:08:44,423
A woman who gives gifts and expects
nothing in return.

148
00:08:44,591 --> 00:08:46,177
Because that's what a gift is.

149
00:08:49,433 --> 00:08:51,479
Sophie, is that doing anything for you?

150
00:08:51,646 --> 00:08:54,193
Yeah, well, I'm not hating it.

151
00:08:55,153 --> 00:08:57,240
Here, this soup smells amazing.

152
00:08:57,658 --> 00:09:00,080
Oh, no, I don't have the energy to eat.

153
00:09:00,246 --> 00:09:03,587
Sophie, open your mouth and put this in.

154
00:09:03,754 --> 00:09:06,551
Oh, come on, now you're as bad as Oleg.

155
00:09:07,762 --> 00:09:11,561
- There. Better?
- That's cold.

156
00:09:12,730 --> 00:09:15,861
Sophie, just say the word,
and I will rob a bank for you.

157
00:09:16,195 --> 00:09:17,698
I understand you're hurting...

158
00:09:17,865 --> 00:09:20,704
but we've already spent
most of the money on the shop...

159
00:09:20,913 --> 00:09:22,583
and business just isn't good.

160
00:09:22,750 --> 00:09:25,673
It's not the money.
Everybody thinks it's the money.

161
00:09:25,881 --> 00:09:30,557
It's more than that. My lake house
was my dream and I lost my dream.

162
00:09:30,724 --> 00:09:35,567
Oh. Thank god! Well, I'm glad that's
cleared up. Not about the money.

163
00:09:35,734 --> 00:09:38,448
Max, come on, she's had a shock,
we should let her sleep.

164
00:09:38,615 --> 00:09:41,788
You girls are so lucky,
you still have your dream.

165
00:09:42,414 --> 00:09:44,418
Sophie, what if you were part
of our dream?

166
00:09:44,586 --> 00:09:45,921
I'm sorry? Whose dream?

167
00:09:46,088 --> 00:09:47,215
Our dream.

168
00:09:47,549 --> 00:09:50,598
Your dream? Where's that cupcake?

169
00:09:51,265 --> 00:09:53,604
Max:
Sophie's the only reason we have a shop.

170
00:09:53,771 --> 00:09:54,981
We should make her partner.

171
00:09:55,273 --> 00:09:57,360
Mm, partner.

172
00:09:58,070 --> 00:10:01,410
You and I are already partners.
I feel like we're partnered out.

173
00:10:01,577 --> 00:10:03,164
What about a silent partner?

174
00:10:03,331 --> 00:10:06,671
Mm, silent partner. I like that.

175
00:10:06,963 --> 00:10:10,053
Mm. I'm getting my appetite back.

176
00:10:10,220 --> 00:10:13,059
And also, my sex drive.

177
00:10:14,144 --> 00:10:17,108
Go or stay, girls. Either
way, I'm going in.

178
00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:24,623
I'm sorry I said Sophie
could be part of the store.

179
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:31,220
I just felt bad for her, lying there, in
black, too sad to even make her junk pretty.

180
00:10:31,930 --> 00:10:35,061
It's fine. Silent partner is just
a figure-head role anyway.

181
00:10:35,228 --> 00:10:37,566
And it's nice to know
you have such a big heart.

182
00:10:37,733 --> 00:10:41,490
It's not my heart. What I saw down there
changed me.

183
00:10:42,994 --> 00:10:46,751
It looks like something an animal built
to live in for the winter.

184
00:10:53,598 --> 00:10:56,771
Wait. What is Sophie's chandelier
doing here?

185
00:10:56,938 --> 00:11:02,240
Is this the Polish version of home invasion,
they break in and leave something tacky?

186
00:11:02,532 --> 00:11:04,954
Good morning, partners.

187
00:11:05,121 --> 00:11:09,129
I didn't know the dress code,
so I went business casual.

188
00:11:09,714 --> 00:11:14,389
Look, the chandelier that I bought
for my lake house.

189
00:11:14,556 --> 00:11:16,853
Oh, now our dreams are together.

190
00:11:17,020 --> 00:11:20,068
Sophie, it's not the
look we were going for.

191
00:11:20,235 --> 00:11:21,278
Oh, I know.

192
00:11:21,445 --> 00:11:23,825
Much better, right?

193
00:11:24,953 --> 00:11:30,588
That is definitely not our style. It looks
like a Tim Burton movie just spit up in here.

194
00:11:31,090 --> 00:11:32,885
I think it's kind of pretty.

195
00:11:33,052 --> 00:11:37,477
But what do I know? I once spent
my last 50 bucks on a frog piñata.

196
00:11:37,644 --> 00:11:39,189
Had to have it.

197
00:11:39,356 --> 00:11:40,692
[Phone playing ringtone]

198
00:11:41,443 --> 00:11:43,030
Max's homemade cupcakes.

199
00:11:43,197 --> 00:11:45,744
Yes, we're an upscale bakery, and...

200
00:11:45,911 --> 00:11:48,165
Now we sell hoagies.

201
00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:51,088
Oh, no, sir, we do not sell hoagies.

202
00:11:51,255 --> 00:11:52,842
Yes, we do.

203
00:11:54,177 --> 00:11:56,682
How many would you like?
Let me get a pen.

204
00:11:57,058 --> 00:11:58,102
[Knock on door]

205
00:12:01,609 --> 00:12:05,074
What's happening?
Are we finally gonna trash Caroline?

206
00:12:05,575 --> 00:12:06,619
No. I need your help.

207
00:12:06,786 --> 00:12:11,003
I watched four chick flicks, then made
a list of ways to tell Caroline I love her.

208
00:12:11,170 --> 00:12:14,176
I was gonna make more,
but I got my period.

209
00:12:16,513 --> 00:12:20,355
Okay, run the choices past me.

210
00:12:20,521 --> 00:12:24,112
Whichever one makes me wanna hurl
the most, that's your winner.

211
00:12:24,279 --> 00:12:27,369
I can play a song for her outside
her apartment. Keep in mind...

212
00:12:27,535 --> 00:12:29,706
how hard it is to
find a boom box in 2012.

213
00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:33,589
Plus, if you do that outside our apartment,
you'll be shot.

214
00:12:33,757 --> 00:12:35,551
By me.

215
00:12:35,928 --> 00:12:40,520
Okay, what about sharing cocoa and
a hot dog on the ice rink in central park.

216
00:12:40,854 --> 00:12:44,403
That's it. Makes we wanna take my head
off and throw it into the street.

217
00:12:45,196 --> 00:12:47,868
Cool. Oh, and Max, I think I'm the only
straight guy...

218
00:12:48,035 --> 00:12:51,542
who knows the difference between
Dylan mcdermott and dermott mulroney.

219
00:12:51,709 --> 00:12:53,504
And that, my friend, is love.

220
00:12:56,302 --> 00:12:58,097
Oh. What's that funky-ass smell?

221
00:12:58,264 --> 00:13:01,687
Do they finally sell pepperoni febreze?

222
00:13:02,397 --> 00:13:06,780
Max, this already isn't working.
The stinky salami, the gaudy chandelier.

223
00:13:06,948 --> 00:13:09,745
It's like a haunted quiznos in here.

224
00:13:10,163 --> 00:13:11,290
Hey.

225
00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:15,632
I'm sending Oleg to queens
to pick up a flat of fresca.

226
00:13:15,924 --> 00:13:19,389
There's nothing better with a hoagie
than an ice cold fresca.

227
00:13:20,391 --> 00:13:21,936
That's what I wanted.

228
00:13:22,270 --> 00:13:23,815
And look...

229
00:13:23,982 --> 00:13:27,238
they'll go great with the pickled eggs.

230
00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:32,666
This just went from my dream
to a nightmare.

231
00:13:32,833 --> 00:13:35,338
Oh, my god, Caroline! It is you!

232
00:13:35,505 --> 00:13:38,302
Stacy, no way! I haven't seen you
since graduation.

233
00:13:38,469 --> 00:13:39,972
We went to wharton together.

234
00:13:40,139 --> 00:13:42,060
This girl is a genius.

235
00:13:42,227 --> 00:13:43,939
Always top of the class.

236
00:13:44,106 --> 00:13:48,322
So, what are you doing here? Buying
a cupcake on your way to running the world?

237
00:13:48,489 --> 00:13:50,243
No, I own this shop.

238
00:13:50,618 --> 00:13:53,917
Oh. You own this little cupcake shop?

239
00:13:54,084 --> 00:13:59,302
And many other bigger shops.
This is our new williamsburg location.

240
00:13:59,469 --> 00:14:02,392
Yes, I know the chandelier is all wrong.
I told the designer.

241
00:14:02,559 --> 00:14:06,108
None of our pacific northwest locations
will have the chandeliers.

242
00:14:06,275 --> 00:14:09,781
Of course you'd own a cupcake empire
at 25.

243
00:14:10,366 --> 00:14:11,744
Oh, and this is Max.

244
00:14:11,911 --> 00:14:16,503
- Hi.
- I just transferred from our Boise location.

245
00:14:17,965 --> 00:14:20,053
What's that horrible smell?

246
00:14:20,636 --> 00:14:24,269
It's something called a hoagie.
The workers like them.

247
00:14:24,436 --> 00:14:25,646
Right, Max?

248
00:14:25,813 --> 00:14:29,196
Si, gracias por la hoagie.

249
00:14:30,573 --> 00:14:33,788
Well, I have to go.
I'm consulting upstairs at bbdandl.

250
00:14:34,081 --> 00:14:35,708
- Oh, upstairs.
- Yeah.

251
00:14:36,085 --> 00:14:38,839
Always knew you'd land on your feet.
Let's go for drinks.

252
00:14:39,007 --> 00:14:41,678
And you're paying, mogul.

253
00:14:43,682 --> 00:14:45,896
I hope she likes water.

254
00:14:46,688 --> 00:14:49,277
Now what am I gonna do?
Stacy's in the building.

255
00:14:49,444 --> 00:14:54,830
Well, you could move to narnia and
run that branch, you pathological liar.

256
00:14:55,623 --> 00:15:00,299
Max, this is not how I want people
to see me. Or smell me, quite frankly.

257
00:15:00,466 --> 00:15:03,389
We have to get rid of the salami,
the chandelier, and Sophie.

258
00:15:03,556 --> 00:15:05,059
This is our dream, not hers.

259
00:15:05,226 --> 00:15:06,895
Okay, fine, I'll tell her.

260
00:15:07,730 --> 00:15:10,236
Hey, Sophie, can we talk to you?

261
00:15:10,403 --> 00:15:15,121
Good news, girls. Now we sell scratchers.

262
00:15:15,956 --> 00:15:18,419
But I have even a better idea.

263
00:15:18,586 --> 00:15:24,097
You two should dress up as big cupcakes
and pass out free samples.

264
00:15:27,395 --> 00:15:29,775
Sophie, Max has something
she wants to say to you.

265
00:15:29,942 --> 00:15:35,620
Wait. Girls, I have something to say first.

266
00:15:35,870 --> 00:15:36,998
[Sighs]

267
00:15:37,165 --> 00:15:41,966
Two days ago, I was on
the verge of suicide.

268
00:15:42,133 --> 00:15:45,598
Seriously, I hadn't eaten all afternoon.

269
00:15:45,765 --> 00:15:49,231
But your generosity with your dream...

270
00:15:49,397 --> 00:15:53,656
has given me a reason to get up
and get a wax.

271
00:15:55,660 --> 00:16:00,211
Oh.... Max, there's something
you wanted to say?

272
00:16:00,753 --> 00:16:04,177
I was going to say....

273
00:16:08,936 --> 00:16:11,483
You look delicious.

274
00:16:11,985 --> 00:16:14,739
I look like honey boo boo's mom
at the prom.

275
00:16:18,372 --> 00:16:20,251
This is so humiliating.

276
00:16:20,668 --> 00:16:24,634
Now I know how Tyra felt when she
went undercover as that fat person.

277
00:16:24,843 --> 00:16:26,680
Please tell me this is our bottom.

278
00:16:26,847 --> 00:16:29,936
It's your bottom. I went to happy hour once
and woke up naked...

279
00:16:30,104 --> 00:16:33,402
in the penguin habitat at the Bronx zoo.

280
00:16:33,569 --> 00:16:35,865
And I did things.

281
00:16:38,078 --> 00:16:42,212
Hey, girls. What are you two doing
just standing there?

282
00:16:42,378 --> 00:16:45,593
God gave cupcakes legs for a reason.

283
00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:52,106
You need to hit the streets, shake your
cake maker, and show people your goods.

284
00:16:52,273 --> 00:16:54,277
Don't look at me. It's vanilla.

285
00:16:54,444 --> 00:16:57,909
I was looking forward to going up to
strangers on the street and saying:

286
00:16:58,077 --> 00:17:00,998
"Eat me," but she won't leave.

287
00:17:01,166 --> 00:17:04,297
Well, if you're not going to go out
and get the customers...

288
00:17:04,464 --> 00:17:06,426
then I'll bring the customers to you.

289
00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:09,849
I gotta do everything around here.

290
00:17:11,436 --> 00:17:13,440
I can't believe we're just
standing here...

291
00:17:13,607 --> 00:17:18,200
when we could be chasing fat people
down yelling, "you ate my brother!"

292
00:17:19,327 --> 00:17:22,959
Look at you two. What I wouldn't give
for a giant glass of milk.

293
00:17:23,627 --> 00:17:25,464
Look at you, though. You look so cute.

294
00:17:25,631 --> 00:17:28,804
No, don't look at me. I'm totally
embarrassed in this thing.

295
00:17:28,971 --> 00:17:35,568
Yes, she's cute and embarrassed in a
larger-than-life, colorful public setting.

296
00:17:36,778 --> 00:17:39,868
Ah. Right. So, Caroline,
listen, I wanted to...

297
00:17:40,035 --> 00:17:43,334
Look, girls, some young professionals.

298
00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:46,173
God, she's bringing Stacy.
She can't see me in this.

299
00:17:46,340 --> 00:17:49,011
I was her valedictorian. Take this.

300
00:17:52,518 --> 00:17:54,147
Ooh. Unh.

301
00:17:56,318 --> 00:17:58,781
Wait. Help me up, Max! Help me up!

302
00:17:58,948 --> 00:18:02,288
Oh, great, now you're like my mom.

303
00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:05,211
Here, give me your left hand.

304
00:18:07,131 --> 00:18:08,884
Give me your right hand.

305
00:18:09,051 --> 00:18:12,057
Get up, get up! Five second rule!

306
00:18:14,229 --> 00:18:16,233
[Max grunts]

307
00:18:21,243 --> 00:18:22,537
[Sighs]

308
00:18:23,079 --> 00:18:25,376
What are you two crazy cakes doing?

309
00:18:25,584 --> 00:18:27,839
You lost your customers, they ran away.

310
00:18:28,006 --> 00:18:29,634
Oh, thank god.

311
00:18:29,801 --> 00:18:33,976
Oh, I don't get it. You won't push
the hoagies or the pickled eggs.

312
00:18:34,144 --> 00:18:37,608
You must really have a fear of success.

313
00:18:39,612 --> 00:18:41,450
Well, at least we missed Stacy.

314
00:18:41,616 --> 00:18:43,954
Well, you know what else you missed?
Andy.

315
00:18:44,164 --> 00:18:46,125
He was about to tell you he loves you.

316
00:18:46,293 --> 00:18:47,378
What?

317
00:18:47,545 --> 00:18:51,803
Just now, in the hall. And the ice rink.
He's been trying to tell you all week.

318
00:18:51,970 --> 00:18:57,565
But I've been too preoccupied with work,
like Sandra bullock in the proposal.

319
00:18:58,359 --> 00:19:02,241
So he was gonna tell me at
the ice rink? The one in central park?

320
00:19:02,408 --> 00:19:05,956
Yes, while having cocoa
and splitting a hot dog.

321
00:19:06,166 --> 00:19:09,964
Oh, my god, that's like my dream
"i love you" scenario.

322
00:19:10,591 --> 00:19:12,470
Why didn't you tell me sooner?

323
00:19:12,679 --> 00:19:18,190
When it comes to other people's creepy love
stuff, that's when I'm a silent partner.

324
00:19:18,357 --> 00:19:21,028
And you need to stop with
this creepy romcom stuff.

325
00:19:21,196 --> 00:19:22,699
Life isn't like a movie.

326
00:19:22,865 --> 00:19:25,329
Sometimes you're not a success right away.

327
00:19:25,496 --> 00:19:28,084
Sometimes you have to just eat it
and be a cupcake...

328
00:19:28,252 --> 00:19:32,301
and sometimes you have to take your
"i love you" whichever way it comes.

329
00:19:32,969 --> 00:19:34,180
You are so right.

330
00:19:34,347 --> 00:19:36,852
I don't have to wait for
the moment to be perfect...

331
00:19:37,019 --> 00:19:39,899
like it was for Reese Witherspoon
in sweet home Alabama.

332
00:19:40,901 --> 00:19:42,780
My life's not a romantic comedy.

333
00:19:42,947 --> 00:19:46,580
I can do it my own way, like
Julia Roberts in my best friend's wedding.

334
00:19:55,848 --> 00:19:57,351
Andy, it's me!

335
00:19:57,518 --> 00:19:58,687
Andy:
I'll be right out!

336
00:19:58,854 --> 00:20:02,487
No, this can't wait any longer. I don't
need a big romantic comedy moment.

337
00:20:02,695 --> 00:20:06,787
- No...
- Ooh! Sorry, I thought it was the office.

338
00:20:06,953 --> 00:20:08,624
Not the office.

339
00:20:09,584 --> 00:20:10,961
I'm stuck.

340
00:20:11,128 --> 00:20:13,384
Oh, I wanna go, but I can't.

341
00:20:13,550 --> 00:20:16,097
And I'll never be able to go again.

342
00:20:16,973 --> 00:20:21,233
I'm on the toilet and you're in a cupcake,
it can't get any creepier than this, so...

343
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:25,491
Caroline, I love you.

344
00:20:26,075 --> 00:20:28,372
I love you too.

345
00:20:29,707 --> 00:20:31,711
Now please push me out.

346
00:20:36,178 --> 00:20:38,224
How'd it go? Was it romantic?

347
00:20:38,392 --> 00:20:41,147
He told me he loved me on the toilet.

348
00:20:41,356 --> 00:20:43,944
Oh, man, that's my dream scenario.

349
00:20:44,111 --> 00:20:45,281
[Chuckles]

350
00:20:45,448 --> 00:20:48,495
Hey. I'm only gonna do this for an hour...

351
00:20:48,662 --> 00:20:52,378
to show you how it's done,
and then I'm out.

352
00:20:52,545 --> 00:20:54,799
This is your dream, not mine.

353
00:20:54,966 --> 00:20:58,222
Cupcakes! Free cupcakes!

354
00:20:58,390 --> 00:21:02,565
Come on, get them while they're hot!

355
00:21:05,153 --> 00:21:06,490
[Cash register dings]